Saturday, April 26, 2014

Some Measure of Regret

  • GOP 2014: "Hey wait—there's a pregnant woman in that polling place! Oh my god, she's voting! Stop her! Help me, quick!"
  • [The single woman's hand moves closer and closer to the ballot—] 
    • "Nooo—!" 
    • [McConnell wakes up in a cold sweat]
  • [Hillary smiles hideously as the stake is driven through her heart] 
    • "You think I'm dead? Hahaha!
    • [Bohner jerks awake. He caps the bottle]
  • [Bundy drones on to reporters] 
    • MILITIA1: Won't that old fool ever shut up? 
    • MILITIA2: He played us for fools—
    • MILITIA1 (furious): Shut up!
  • [Video: Bundy tells us about 'Nigroes'] 
    • [Hannity yells into a phone] 
    • "You told me this guy would be the story of the year!"
    • [listens]
    • "Oh yeah? Well, now we're fucked!"
  • [Paul Jr. stops in hallway; turns to Aide] 
    • "Look, I don't care how, but get that Bundy off the air! He's going to blow everything wide open!"
  • [Issa hisses into his cellphone] 
    • "Look, I told you there's no way Hillary could win—Chelsea is pregnant!"

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